NurtureHer

The guide that every new dad-to-be needs

Welcome to parenthood! I have written this article just for the daddy to be. After reading this article, you will be able to get involved from the start and be ready for anything. Think of this as your new dad survival kit.

I don’t think there is any feeling that compares to finding out for the first time that you are expecting a baby. Maybe you have been trying to conceive for a while, maybe you decided to try for a baby on a whim (or a tipsy evening), or maybe it was a complete surprise pregnancy. Regardless of the circumstances, it’s quite an adjustment for anyone.

For expecting mothers, it seems like as soon as the pregnancy test turns positive, there is a very clear map to follow with tons of advice from doctors, friends, and family. But for the expecting dad, it can feel kind of like being in limbo for nine months. I mean, if the baby is still the size of a seahorse, are you even a dad yet?

Hint: Yes. Congratulations, Daddy! Be glad you aren’t actually a seahorse.

So, what now? You’ve made the pregnancy announcement, you started discussing baby names, so you just wait nine months for the action to start, right?

In the words of Dwight Schrute, “False.”

Pregnancy

For starters, pregnancy is a lot more complicated than most people realize. Your partner’s experience with pregnancy will be completely unique to her and your baby. From choosing a prenatal vitamin to choosing an OBGYN and writing a birth plan, there is so much new information to learn. Unfortunately, pregnancy and birth can still be a dangerous and vulnerable time for some women and often quite difficult. If there is ever a time to be there and listen to your partner, this is it!

Symptoms

Most people know that the first trimester can make women nauseated and fatigued. Each trimester (three month period) comes with its own set of symptoms ranging from mild to miserable. It is said that the stress of pregnancy is comparable to running a marathon, and giving birth is comparable to running four to six marathons! Now is definitely the time to be pampering your beloved and helping her to take good care of herself.

Knowing this, try not to stress out. Your mood will affect your wife or girlfriend’s mood, which will in turn affect the baby. It really is true that stress can be harmful in pregnancy, so try to be a calming influence and follow your lady’s vibe.

Stay Informed

Going with your partner to her regular check-ups will give you an opportunity to discuss any concerns or symptoms with her doctor and keep informed of the baby’s development. Also, it’s just a nice way to show your darling that you are in this with her.

My personal advice is to be sure to start educating yourself on parenting styles and start reading parenting books early. Once the baby is home, you will have less energy and time to read. Every parent eventually reaches a point when they feel like they don’t know what to do. It can help to feel more confident if you have already done your research. And knowing that you are not clueless will help your baby’s mama to see that she can rely on you.This will relieve a lot of new parent stress and prevent relationship struggles and tension down the road.

Stay Connected

You and your partner might find it exciting to follow the baby’s development through an app that shows fetuses at different weeks of pregnancy or compares the baby’s size to fruit or vegetables. Knowing that during this week your baby is developing eyesight or learning to suck it’s thumb adds to the wonder of the experience and also helps you to start forming a connection with your baby.

It is very important to stay connected to your partner during this changing and often stressful time. Usually women begin to take on the mental load of preparing for birth, learning about baby care, and researching essential baby gear early in the pregnancy. It is easy to let this start a slippery slope of letting her take on the majority or full mental load for your growing family. This kind of inequality can be a relationship killer. Also, it isn’t very nice or fair. When you make sure to discuss these things together and make it a team effort, you show your love and support for your family, and you avoid resentment and relationship stress down the road.

Get Supplies

Speaking of baby gear, your baby is going to need stuff. Many couples start to create a gift registry around the second trimester. Your postpartum partner will also need supplies for breastfeeding, healing, and comfort. A gift registry will let family and friends know exactly what you need. You may also include gifts for the new dad and new mom.

Whether you go all out or you take a more minimalist approach, you will want to be on the same page when it comes to purchases. Even if you are planning on getting hand-me-downs, that requires coordination, planning, and communication. Be sure to start having those conversations and making those plans earlier rather than later in the pregnancy. Nobody wants to be scrambling last minute to get a crib and car seat for a baby that came a bit early.

Recovery

You will need to talk about expectations during the postpartum (after birth) period. Your partner’s recovery will depend on how the birth goes and how she feels, but every woman needs rest and recovery even if everything went great. Many men might not be aware that the placenta leaves a dinner platter sized wound in the uterus that takes up to six weeks to heal. It is unrealistic to expect any woman to go right back to housework, childcare, running errands, and playing hostess to visitors. These responsibilities will need to be delegated to others for at least six weeks. Most cultures expect women to stay in bed and rest for the first months after birth.

Communicate

A lot of couples discuss boundaries with family members regarding mom and baby’s rest. It is a good rule to never assume that your partner will just do things the way your parents did them. That is a recipe for conflict and family drama. For example, does your mom think she is going to be in the room while your wife pushes but you are planning a private birth? Does your mother-in-law plan to move in for six months after the baby is born but she and your partner have never gotten along? Do your second cousins from out of town plan to come visit the day you come home from the hospital? Does your best friend want to come over with her two sneezing toddlers? Does Great Aunt Betty expect your recovering partner to wait on her hand and foot while she hogs your newborn baby for two hours? Talk about it. Set and stand firm on your boundaries. And keep in mind that your partner will be recovering from a major medical event. She and the baby will need calm, quiet and rest for quite a few weeks. Make a plan together that accommodates her recovery period.

Support

And that brings us to your support network. You are going to need help and support. In my experience and what I have heard from most parents is that visitors who are helpful are welcome. Visitors who drain you and expect to be entertained will have to wait until your family is fit enough to take that on. It is not uncommon to ask friends and family to bring food, help with housework, avoid exposing your baby to any illnesses they might have, or to simply keep visits short in the first few weeks. Remember, this isn’t just about cooing over the new baby. This is your partner’s recovery period. Don’t ask her to do anything that you wouldn’t want to do in the first six weeks after major abdominal surgery.

If you are not going to have a lot of helpers after the baby comes home, plan ahead. You can prepare and freeze meals. You can arrange for a cleaner to come once a week for a few weeks. You can have groceries delivered. Do anything you can to make the homecoming for your baby and partner easy and stress free.

Take Charge

To wrap up, you have the power to start taking care of your baby and your partner from the beginning of pregnancy. There is no reason to wait to get involved, and there are a million ways for you to support and care for your baby and partner. Fathers have an immeasurably important role in ensuring the health, well-being, and success of their families simply by being present and making an effort to stay involved. In a family, everything is a team effort. Be the best you can be for your team. I believe in you!

Remember, this isn’t just about cooing over the new baby. This is your partner’s recovery period. Don’t ask her to do anything that you wouldn’t want to do in the first six weeks after major abdominal surgery